


All The Clowns

by jendavis



Category: Leverage
Genre: Body Shots, Clowns, Crime Fighting, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 08:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3127154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jendavis/pseuds/jendavis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>wings128 gave me the following prompts: clowns, bourbon body shots, and self-defense lessons. </p><p>I'm pretty sure this wasn't the intention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All The Clowns

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wings128](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wings128/gifts).



"I hate you all," Eliot grumbles, finally coming out of the bathroom. He's dressed to the nines- wearing shoes that've got to be a size nineteen at the _minimum_ , purple and gold striped pants, and a red sequined vest over his white shirt. His pigtails are sprayed purple, and look to be hard as rocks. 

Not that Hardison's getting close enough to find out for the next little while. The expression Eliot's wearing, underneath all the makeup, is _exactly_ why people are afraid of clowns. 

"…serve you right if this all goes to hell. Ain't gonna be fighting _nobody_ with these."

Resisting the urge to grab a picture with his phone, he shoves past Eliot to finish up his own makeup. "You mean to tell me that you're actually worried about, what, ninja's showing up? It's a seven year old's birthday party."

"You say that _now_ ," Eliot rounds on him, only to be interrupted by Sophie knocking on the door, coming in to grab the rest of Nate's magician costume. Her hair's up in curlers, but she's already got the glittery dress on that she'll be wearing as his assistant. Even as half-made up as she is, she's going to be a knockout- which will be important if the clown show isn't enough of a distraction for little Vicki Miller's stepdad. 

She manages to suppress a grin until Eliot glowers at her. 

"Well, clowns _are_ supposed to look funny." 

\--- 

Five hours later, it's all gone to hell. Vicki's had a meltdown even before the show gets started. Nate and Sophie are managing to get her to cheer up, on the back patio, doing some sort of fairy-tale themed magic tricks that he's too far away to follow. Vicki's not much of one for balloon animals, but she does like princesses. Mr. Miller's more attentive to his stepdaughter than anyone had thought to give him credit for, which seems to nip that crisis in the bud, but it just opens up the floor for new ones. 

Namely, Auntie- _Call-me-Evie_ Miller, who's doing her damnedest to get into Eliot's ridiculously striped pants. 

" _Seriously?_ " Hardison hisses on the comms. They're in the kitchen, though she's hell-bent on moving thing up into the guest room. On the camera he'd managed to set up he spots her rounding on Eliot with a bottle of bourbon in one hand and her other heading straight for his chest. 

Eliot's the most ridiculous thing Hardison can think of right now, and he's still got ladies lining up for body shots. 

In other circumstances, he'd be jealous. If he weren't, you know, trying not to laugh his _ass off_.

He can see how this is going, though. Eliot needs to get her out of the kitchen; the only thing between them and the safe in the office is the door leading into the office. They're too close to Parker, and worse, if the bedroom is out, it'll be the first place Evie will try to use as a backup for her weird drinking-bourbon-off-a-clown's-clavicle-at-her-niece's-birthday-party kink. 

"Dammit, Hardison..." he's pretty sure Eliot's would be speaking with clenched teeth even if he weren't trying to be quiet. 

Dodging some parents, awkwardly hauling their own screaming progeny towards their car, he ducks back into the van, where he's supposedly sorting out the tanks for making balloon animals. "How is this _my_ fault?!"

 _Shit_ Eliot groans over the comms, so Hardison leans over the tank to check the monitor again. Mrs. Miller's just walked in, and she's got strong words for Evie, and Eliot's fought for wars, sure, and he'd even managed to show Hardison how to throw a semi-convincing punch, but he's never trained to break up a catfight in clown shoes. 

\--- 

Eliot's stomping, barefoot, down the driveway, wiping at his face with the makeup remover Sophie'd brought along for him. There are still chunks of cake in his hair, though he probably hasn't noticed it through all the hairspray.

He looks _furious_ , climbing into the front passenger seat, even before Nate shrugs.

"That could have gone better."

"Could've gone worse," Hardison offers, once he's checked to see that Sophie and Parker and most of the gear are in between him and Eliot. "I mean, as far as distractions go, I ain't seen nothing to beat it. And it's not like anyone managed to get it on YouTube."

_Yet._

**Author's Note:**

> FWIW, were I filming this, here's the song I'd have used for the fight scene. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKKt2KHE53U


End file.
